Surrendered Thoughts Of A Teen
Toddlers & Teens
I was working in my office today and my teenager came in. I always know when she wants to talk about something important to me because she just sits in front of me and quietly stares at me until I look up and address her. (Whatever happened to the word excuse me??) Anyhow, I was a little baffled today because I could already see the tears welling in her eyes. She said, “Mommy I need to tell you something.” I said “okay baby girl….I am listening.” She proceeded to say that she knew why every now and then she doesn’t treat me with as much patience and kindness as with her Daddy. She continued, “I realized that I treat you differently and sometimes badly because I am afraid that if I am that way to Daddy, he will go away and not be my Daddy anymore.”(this is right about where I got a huge lump in my throat. No matter what, I try to listen to my kids before I react or give a comment or answer.) “But with you, you are my mommy; and I know no matter what I do or say that might hurt your feelings, you will always be there. You are my mommy and you will never leave me.” I must explain. Her biological is not involved in her life. Since she was a little girl my Kenny has been whom she has chosen to call her “Daddy”. And you can’t tell her any different.
She said this as tears slowly streamed down her face. I instantly asked the universe to help me show her strength (so that I didn’t blurt out a wailing cry and tears!) I opened my arms and my 113lb teenager baby girl sat on my lap and hugged me as she cried in my arms. I said nothing at first. I mean I was still trying to understand where all of this was coming from! Who would have thought my baby girl’s heart was weighted down so heavily?? And who would ever think a “used to be tween/recent teen” would speak about herself with such conviction?? She is so far beyond her years…It is sometimes enough just to give an embrace of comfort and love. (at least until you as the parent can gather and assess) Once her tears turned into sniffles she began to apologize for being inconsiderate and disrespectful to me. (Funny because at her age I find myself assuming that she is a teenager and that every outlandish happenstance is hormones…and maybe not as much disrespectful as maybe mean could be a better suited adjective) I let her know that I understand sometimes we are just mad or upset at someone and we don’t know why. And that is okay. Whatever emotion she might feel is an okay emotion to feel. Maybe she could choose to communicate how she feels better by choosing to be more patient with me. But I don’t expect her to be because I know she is still learning what all the emotions she feels even mean!! (You remember being a teen and yelling at someone and then trying to understand what just happened?!) I let her know she was being a little hard on herself with being disrespectful only because I know she never crosses that line, but I appreciated her coming to me to speak about how she was feeling. We basically hugged it out and she took a deep breath and that was that. She just skipped out of my office. It was that easy. Smile. Wink. Skip away she went.
I pondered about what she had said to me as she walked away… ‘She is sometimes mean and disrespectful because she knows I will always be there for her.’ My baby girl apologized to me for that??? She apparently hasn’t gotten the memo that a teen doesn’t apologize for anything! Or at least I never did!! I can’t take credit for any of that BTW…my daughter is a one of a kind. Her heart has always been larger than the Sun. That is the beauty of my relationship with my daughter in a nut shell. That is the kind of ideal relationship I used to make intentions about when I would breastfeed her. Honest. That is beautiful communication at it’s best. Even when I think we are good, she lets me know something I never thought of to be the case. And we grow together at that very moment and become even better! And it only weaves our web stronger. I am so honored to have a daughter like her to show me what it means to surrender to our wrongs. No matter how or what they are.
It only drives me to reflect about myself and the way I treat the ones I love and adore….I can always be better and do better for the betterment of my relationships. I must do more to be more conscious and humble. The first person I owe this to is my teen.
I hope my sharing this very personal mommy moment read gives you strength and inspiration as you might have rough days communicating with the kiddos….